Quick housekeeping note: I had a problem with my site for a few weeks and couldn’t update the registration date. If you were expecting Issue #1, you can read that here.
Hello and welcome to Issue #2 of The Bi Monthly!
I love you! You’re gorgeous! Say it in the mirror five times fast!
Today is my 32nd birthday, which is…fine, I guess? If you wanna do something nice for me, you can support this cool native-led project to restore Hawaiian ecology on Molokai or donate to Third Wave Fund's Sex Worker Giving Circle, which provides grants & support for sex worker-led initiatives. Consider a monthly donation if you can bb 😘
Fun fact: Before I turned 30, I was OBSESSED with my birthday to an annoying degree. My elders at the time (read: people over 35) would often passive-aggressively mention that they had stopped caring about their own birthdays, seeming to imply that appreciating one’s own personal holiday was something one might grow out of. I knew they were just trying to warn me, but my gut reaction was to insist that this would never happen to me. I would be different — I would LAUGH in the face of ageism by celebrating every trip around the sun in all its distinct glory. I planned to host blowout bashes well into my late 80s, looking more fabulous each year.
But now I get it. Because with 32 years under my body’s proverbial unfastened belt, the last things I want to do are put on real clothes, leave my house, or willingly give myself a hangover. This shift from my youthful zeal seemed to happen so fast that my current state of self often shocks me. For example: I cooked a Whole30 compliant halibut piccata on Sunday?? And it was…FUN??
Despite Miss Rona’s best efforts, time keeps happening and thus so does age. At this point, I’ll take it — getting older is tough to make sense of, but at least I’m not getting younger. Phew.
Anyway. We have much to discuss. Take a deep breath and let’s dive in. 🤿
An excellent tweet about the link between trauma and ageism by @ayesheet (via @adameli).
False Choices: Playing Politics With Binary Thinking
I made you a meme about the U.S. presidential candidates. And before you come for me, I can assure you that I’m voting Biden/Harris on the Working Families Party ticket in NYC.
Of all the harmful systems that exist, one binary is especially busy these days. It’s an age-old classic! The one we love to hate! That’s right — it’s Democrat vs. Republican!
I could tell you that the two-party system is actively harmful to the future of the U.S., but I certainly wouldn’t be the first or most articulate person to make that point. (And if I learned anything from watching half of David Attenborough’s documentary, it’s that the U.S. doesn’t have much of a future to be concerned about. 😞)
No, I’m here to talk to you about something more vague, more theoretical, and far more obnoxious. Because what I’m concerned with are the ways that this system — and binary thinking in general — give all of us a lack of imagination.
This first occurred to me in 2018 after traveling back to Indiana for the holidays. My parents kindly picked me up from the airport, and I thanked them by bitching about politics for the hour-and-a-half drive home. The topic was immigration, and my white conservative mother was particularly fired up.
“You can’t just abandon people!” I shouted at her. “Talk to me about solutions!”
“Here’s a solution for you! Why don’t we just give all of these immigrants some money and resources so they can get started here & lead productive, stable lives & FINALLY contribute to society?!” my mom yelled.
I paused, unsure if I’d overlooked some level of sarcasm.
“I mean…yeah, mom,” I replied. “They’ve been contributing to society, but other than that…sounds like a great idea.”
“Jesus, Vivian,” my dad said, confused. “I’m not sure that’s what you meant to say.”
“What was wrong about it?” she asked.
“Nothing,” my dad shrugged. “You just sound like a Democrat.”
My mom took this in for a moment, then narrowed her eyes.
“No. Absolutely not.”
This conversation stuck with me because it was the first time I realized that my mom was, in fact, a Democrat — at least according to her ideals. (Not that being a Democrat should be anyone’s goal at this point, but for her, that would still look like progress.)
My mom wanted to show up for people. She wanted the government to take action to support those who really needed it. She believed in these core components of liberal politics, and yet she still didn’t feel comfortable identifying as anything other than “Republican.” This term had burrowed so deep within her identity that it didn’t even matter if it made sense anymore.
When we’re presented with a binary and get to select which side we’ll sit on, we often experience something called Choice-Supportive Bias. This means that, after our brain has made a decision, it will go to great lengths to justify whatever choice it made, mainly so it doesn’t have to make more decisions.
Is this harmful? Yes.
Is it, from the brain’s perspective, an iconic display of self care that we can all aspire to? Also yes.
“Okay Google, send me a PowerPoint slide that explains cognitive psychology.”
Political parties are unique in that they’re one of the few binary systems where we’re told we’re allowed to choose. Gender identity is ascribed to us based on our genitalia, often before we’re born. But for politics, we get to decide for ourselves: Are we going to be a Democrat or a Republican? We can choose whichever we want, as long as we aren’t Independents — third parties never win.
This process may seem innocent, but it’s actually the greatest con any binary ever pulled: the ability to make us think that we have agency when we’re only choosing from two pre-determined options. It’s a problem because it implies that there are only two options. Either this OR that. Pick one OR the other. We don’t question who created these two options, why they are the two options, or what the other options might have been. We simply accept the options that are presented to us. Choosing between them can be hard enough, after all.
This brings us to the first presidential debate. Though it was weeks ago, it will live in our nightmares forever.
The day after this train-wreck, myself and a small group of coworkers turned a Very Important Meeting into an hour-long bitch sesh, pontificating about the election and reflecting on the horrors of the night.
“The joke is on us,” said my esteemed queer colleague Mafê Villas-Boas, shaking her head. “Each choice they presented was false. We have no agency. The joke is on us.”
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. The candidates’ arguments had seemed to blur together, each boiling down to a difference of style rather than a difference of belief. This is where the lack of imagination comes in, as the whole night left us — the voters — with boring, one-dimensional questions:
Do we prefer Biden Capitalism or Trump Capitalism?
Do we like Biden supports the Military, or the way Trump does it?
Do we want a police force funded by Democrats or a police force funded by Republicans?
In a word: Yikes.
Technically it was called a debate, but it felt more like a bad family cookout where both your weird uncles kept yelling the same thing. Neither candidate’s argument even hinted at the huge questions underlying each issue:
Is capitalism really the best system?
How does the military industrial complex influence the lives of people in and outside our country?
Could there possibly be a better solution than policing?
Kamala and Pence furthered the problem, though they dodged a bit of the media backlash thanks to one heroic fly. In addition to good memes, their conversation raised more trick questions:
Do we want resentment for a Green New Deal from the left, or do we want it from the right?
Do we want a president who fracks, or do we want a president who fracks?
Fracking, AMIRITE?!? Ugh.
To clarify: Our votes still matter.
To clarify: Yes, you still need to vote for Biden/Harris (and all the progressive local candidates on your ballot).
But also: No amount of votes for one political party will change the fact that we have underlying systemic problems in our country that require radical change. No amount of votes will change the fact that these problems are a symptom of the ways binary thinking has invaded our brains.
We’re not going to get there through false dichotomies and trick questions.
We’re only going to get there if each of us calls this shit out, in the world and in ourselves.
Biconic Spotlight: Ashleigh Nicole Tribble
Each issue I’ll be highlighting (bilighting?) a bi or bi plus-identifying creator you should be paying attention to. Have someone to suggest? Leave a comment on this post. 😘
This issue’s spotlight is on the incredible Ashleigh Nicole Tribble (she/her), known to the internet as @ashleighchubbybunny. You may have seen her content supporting plus-size women and fat positivity, but perhaps you missed the news on Sunday: Ashleigh publicly came out as bi. 🏳️🌈
She did it in this beautiful post which I highly recommend you read because it runs through so many validating points and also ties bisexuality to gender expression in a way I love. Follow her, support her, and pay her for her work. 💙💜💗
5 Links U Should Click 👅💦
*Disclaimer: Emojis above are intentionally porny. Porn may or may not be included in links.
This article whose title speaks for itself: “Every Black Woman Has Faced A Mike Pence”
This profile of the YA hero that is (or isn’t) Claudia Conway
This tool to help you find out whose land you’re on
A quick rundown of how to support Intersex people on Intersex Awareness Day (Oct 26!)
This episode of The Daily which explains why we don’t have another stimulus package in terms I can actually understand
BONUS: Visit Headcount.org to get answers to any of your last minute voting qs!
That’s all for this Issue! TYSM for reading The Bi Monthly — as I mentioned above, I adore you. 💋
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