Hello my loves! Welcome to the third issue of the Bi-Monthly! I adore you! Thanks for reading this email, even though the subject line is not a perfect pun!
One thing I didnāt anticipate about releasing this newsletter bi-monthly (twice a month, every other month š) was that I might actually want to send it more often! I missed you all in November. But then I remembered that I intentionally chose this cadence to give myself some time off. That ended up being a good thing becauseā¦
I am writing a book! Itās a personal essay collection called Greedy: Notes From A Bisexual Who Wants Too Much and it comes out September 2021 with Atria Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster. Iām SO excitedāwriting a book of personal essays has been my dream ever since I was a self-absorbed teen š š¼ābut I can safely say itās the hardest thing Iāve ever done. The publisher and I both wanted to launch it during Bi Visibility Week, which meant my timeline for writing a 75000ish-word manuscript was three months (in addition to running my IG and having a relatively demanding full-time job). I felt like this was impossible until a friend of mine said, āYou wouldnāt be a writer if you didnāt need a ridiculous deadline to get anything done!ā Given that Iām almost done with my first draft, I guess heās right. āŗļø
Despite all the stress, I feel confident itās gonna be great & I canāt wait to share it with you. This is the book I wish Iād had growing upāan accessible essay collection that deeply personalizes conversations about queerness, sex, and gender (and low key turns you on at the same time). I promise Iāll spam you with pre-order deets as soon as I have themāespecially because anyone who pre-orders will get a surprise! š„
Despite being heads down on all this writing, Iāve still managed to consume a shit ton of media, and thus have a bunch of reccos for you this month (none of which are Happiest Seasonāif you want my take on that, scroll down).
Some must watch/read/listens:
TV Shows
Veneno - Spanish-language drama on HBO
If you take one thing from this email, let it be this recommendation. I love this show. Itās based on a true story about Spanish trans icon Cristina Ortiz (aka āLa Venenoā), and the show focuses on her just as much as the people whose lives she impacted. I criedānay, sobbedāhappy tears multiple times in the first episode. Brinley described it as āmoving,ā and that means a lot since theyāre much tougher to crack than I am. I canāt get enough of it and neither can the Spanish critics, apparently. Watch ASAP.
The Undoing - Mystery/thriller on HBO (finale was on 11/29)
If you didnāt watch this show already, what were you doing? (Iām actually asking, as having anything else to do would be impressive.) This show is basically Big Little Liesāit stars Nicole Kidman, involves a murder, and centers on a wealthy family in a coastal city. Issa Rae perfectly described it as āwhite mess.ā The show is fairly immersivewhich makes it a fantastic way to disassociate. My dad loves it, tooālecherous fun for the whole fam!
Industry - Drama, also on HBO
Gritty series following young adults trying to secure jobs at a Hedge Fund (I think?) in London. I feel like I heard this isnāt getting great reviews, but let it be known that I very much stanāitās the most realistic portrayal Iāve seen of early 20s corporate life: stressful jobs, the nuances of workplace harassment, queer self-discovery, dating challenges, partying to escape, and so on. Also Myhaāla Herrold is an excellent protagonist. As usual with British TV, the music is fire (though it does get a bit Uncut Gems-y at times).
The Flight Attendant - Mystery/thriller (maybe a dark comedy? but not that funny), also on HBO
Featuring Big Bang Theoryās Kaley Cuoco as party-girl-turned-murder-suspect, this makes for another very good mindless watch. Itās not perfect, but it will fill the Undoing-shaped hole in my heart. (Pls leave any other reccos in the comments!)
Books
How To Write An Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee: An incredible book of essays about Cheeās experience living in the Castro in the 1980s, growing up as a Korean immigrant, and writing his novel(s). Chee is such a beautiful writerāthank god Iām a slow reader because I never want this book to end. Thereās one paragraph of his that I canāt stop thinking about, not because itās meaningful but just because the prose is so lovely: āWhen I return from Maine, home again, I open the door to my apartment, afraid my roses will be withered, fainting, dead. No rain for four days. I rush to the back, where I find them giddy, hurling color up from the ground like children with streamers at a parade.ā š¹
The Collected Schizophrenias by EsmƩ Weijun Wang: A book of essays about a mental health topic that is deeply relevant to my family and me. Already love the way that Wang plays with form and structure to tell stories of her diagnosis and its complex reality.
No One Asked For This by Cazzie David: Iāve been listening to Cazzieās audiobook, and itās def been good motivation to make mine funnier. (Lucky you!) Sheās anxious and relatable and full of contradictions. Still havenāt gotten to any good dirt on Larry David or Pete Davidson yet, but fingers crossed!
Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Eisner: This is the best book Iāve ever read on bisexuality, period. It is definitely theory-heavy and has been by my side as I write my own book. Iāve learned so much from it. Canāt recommend it highly enough.
Movies
Dick Johnson Is Dead: Netflix, documentary. Filmmaker Kirsten Johnson talks about with 86-year old father, but does so in a playful, creative way that also feels deeply personal. The story is told through a white and privileged lens but itās definitely a valuable conversation. Has 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Watch the trailer if youāre curious.
Songs from the Second Floor: Full disclosure that I havenāt seen this yet, but I recently joined a film club and after realizing this inspired Ari Asterās Midsommar, I selected it as my pick. Itās a Swedish movie from 2000 directed by Roy Andersson that takes the form of a bunch of morbid short films, each one offering a subtle critique on capitalism, and it has 100% under the Top Critics votes on Rotten Tomatoes (87% from everyone else). A version with English subtitles is very hard to find (someone in my group had the DVD). You can watch this YouTube playlist of the short films, but I have no idea if thatās in the right order. If you find an easier way to watch lmk & Iāll put the link in the next issue!
Music
DJ-Kicks ā Avalon Emerson [DJ Mix]. Avalon is a friend and the owner of an absurdly cute pup named Elmo, but sheās also a v incredible DJ (donāt take my word for it). This mix is so, so goodāand the video for her Magnetic Fields cover is great too.
Loveless ā Actress, Aura T-09. This song reminds me of my office because I found it on this playlist, which was my go-to work soundtrackāI used to put on noise-cancelling headphones, hit play, and bang out a Keynote presentation like nobodyās business. Once upon a time I was caught up with all R&Sās recent track additions, but stopped listening as much after COVID hit (I left my headphones at my desk š¢).
āWoman is a Wordā ā Empress Of. This song is from 2016 and I used to get stoned and cry my eyes out to it. Itās on this list here today because Iāve been doing that all over again! And also because the chorus perfectly describes how I feel about gender. Rather than write the very sparse lyrics here, Iāll let you look them up and have your own revelations (orrrr you can buy my book, lol).
This Spotify playlist of every streamable version of āTemporary Secretaryā by Paul McCartney. This song is wrought with sexism but itās been stuck in my head for 10+ years, ever since I heard James Murphy play this version. Call it trauma if you must.
Happiest Season Reflects the Sad Realities of Queer Hollywood
A very heteronormative queer love story.
Let me begin by saying I was so excited to watch this movie. (If you havenāt seen it yet, Iām not sure this review will convince you.)
Itās been a tough year, and so it seemed like a gift from the heavens that Hulu was giving us the first-ever studio-backed holiday romcom centering on a queer couple. Everybody loves a festive comedy of errors with a predictable plot structure that culminates with the cast learning to love one another (and themselves)! Make it gay and Iām absolutely paying attention. I put it on the very night it was released.
But alas, we cannot have nice things. This movie featured:
Two white leads
A primarily white supporting cast
A plot that centered on a very privileged coming out story
A plot that forced an out lesbian to go back in the closet
Severe gaslighting (without real consequences for the gaslighter)
LGBTQ-bullying (without real consequences for the bully)
Divorce-shaming
Homophobic parents who change their minds overnight
An emotionally abusive partner who still gets her happy ending
And the list of problematic moments goes on!
My favorite takedowns of the film were the ones that prioritized Abby (Kristen Stewart)ās well-being, because honestlyāgoing back to Harper (Mackenzie Davis) after so much textbook emotional abuse? Is she okay? If I wanted to see someone forgive the toxic partner who encouraged them to hide their truest self, Iād just look through my texts from college. Iāve never watched a romcom where I wanted the couple to end up together any less.
Etsyās holiday ad told a more heartfelt, inclusive story in 30 seconds (thanks to commenter @katiecann for the tip). Ira Madison III posted a story referring to Happiest Season as Get Out 2.
Sure, there were a few good parts: Dan Levy asā¦Dan Levy. Height difference representation. Aubrey Plaza looking gorgeous at every turn. The sext. Jinkx Monsoon and BenDeLaCreme. Jane, played by co-writer Mary Holland. The very realistic queer scenario of bonding with your partnerās ex. The chart.
But the problems ran deep, and they started at the center. No one needs to come out before theyāre ready, but we donāt need more narratives about privileged white people who wonāt come out to their privileged white families and are fine ruining the lives of openly queer people because of it.
I told my friend Joey that I thought this plot seemed very dated. His response:
How many years have we regressed?
Even Happiest Seasonās attempts at being progressive felt like a miss. When Abby explains she plans on proposing to Harper, Dan Levy critiques the institution of marriage, sarcastically saying āway to stick it to the patriarchy!ā But by now we all know that āsticking it to the patriarchyā means being anti-racist and checking our class privilege and upholding our boundaries and not being toxic to people in our lives, right? By those metrics, this movie conformed to patriarchy across the boardāeven more-so than some romcoms about straight relationships. Gasp.
I empathize with how challenging it can be to tell a truly progressive queer story. By the nature of production timelines, most Hollywood content is created months or years before it reaches the public. Scripts are often written years before being sold to production companies. Then thereās production ā pre, during, and post. Throughout that time, culture inevitably changes. Lexicon changes. Perspectives change. And so does the content people are ready to absorb.
But as a creator, having your story not feel āprogressiveā enough is a reflection of your privilege. Iāve been thinking about this while writing my bookāin my case, any lack of āwokenessā will be a reflection of my myriad privileges as a cis, white, non-disabled, relatively thin person with a lot of class privilege. All this privilege means I can treat progressive ideas like something I should think about, rather than something I need to understand to survive. I find myself writing about things like wanting to impress boys or seeing myself through the male gaze, then realizing that these topics feel irrelevant or one dimensional. Itās not that theyāre not importantāitās just that theyāre white feminism. The only way to make these experiences meaningful is to put them in context of my privilege and thus the world, then let the reader draw their own conclusions about whether the experiences are applicable at scale.
If Happiest Season acknowledged its privilege, then at least weād know it wasnāt trying to pull a fast one on us by pretending that this was every queer personās reality. If it acknowledged the toxic behavior Harper perpetuates, then at least weād know it wasnāt trying to suggest that queer people should have to tolerate emotional abuse. And if it did both of these things, maybe it wouldāve ended with Abby sweeping Riley (Aubrey Plaza) off her feet, and the internet could finally rest.
Happiest Season isnāt the queer content we want. But, given that itās still not the norm to check your privilege or call out gaslighting for what it is, maybe itās the queer content we deserve.
Follow This Bisexual: Meg Stalter
Each issue Iāll be highlighting (bilighting?) a bi or bi plus-identifying creator you should be paying attention to. Have someone to suggest? Leave a comment on this post. š
This issueās spotlight is on comedian Meg Stalter (@megsstalter on IG, @megstalter on Twitter). You may have seen her videos that skewer current events and cultural tropes, such as the one above which felt like a personal attack. š Hereās another fave of her counting votes during the election.
Iām lucky enough to have seen Meg Stalter perform IRL, back when that was a thingāshe hosted a variety show that will stick with me for years to come. I highly recommend you follow her & like a bunch of pics/vids so her content stays at the top of your feed. That way you wonāt miss a thingāwhen she does another IRL show you can snag tix before they sell out. Invest in your future self!
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5 Links U Should Click š š¦
*Disclaimer: Emojis above are intentionally porny. Porn may or may not be included in links.
This monthās links are all small businesses you should shop this holiday season!
Warren Steven Scott (Indigenous-owned) ā Gorgeous earrings and accessories in fun colors. I own four pairs!
Bole Road Textiles (Black-owned) ā Textile brand featuring stunning blankets, throws, and pillows.
Brownie Points For You (Black-owned) ā Sassy gifts and gear from @RinnyRiot, including a necklace that says ānuance.ā
Marcus Books (Black-owned) ā Why bankroll Jeff Bezosā lifestyle when you could support the oldest Black-owned bookstore in the United States?
Flex Factory Store (Black-owned) ā Vivid prints and bright designs from the brilliant mind of @flex.mami.
Bonus Links
If you live in Georgia, hereās how to register to vote in the runoff election.
If you donāt live in Georgia, hereās how to phone bank in Georgia.
Thatās all for this Issue! TYSM for reading The Bi Monthlyāas I mentioned above, I adore you. š
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Oh I loved Happiest Season! Iāve heard the complaints and will concede I wanted Abby and Riley to end up together, but it was a hot mess queer Christmas story by Clea Duvall. Iām all in. I can live without perfection. Speaking of, did you see the Hallmark lesbian movie? The only thing I liked was their footwear.
Just wanted to say I enjoyed this read, especially your takes on Happiest Season which is what drew me here. Also happy to see a comedian as talented as Meg Stalter getting shine! Shared this with a friend, thanks for creating!